True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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