i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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