I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
