went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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