My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize