R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
