I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
