Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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