Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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