these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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