So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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