Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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