Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When are your genitals available?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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