I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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