Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
