White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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