Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
