U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
