i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
