Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
