So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
