this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
