Capitaan dildo arrescate!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
