is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
