of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
