ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
