I met the friendliest cop last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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