No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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