Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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