i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
