yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
