if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
