K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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