..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
