ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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