Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
