dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
