well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
