All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
