I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
