Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
