Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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