In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
