I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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