oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
