If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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