Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
