he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
