dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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