He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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