just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
