sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
