So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
