Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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