I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
