Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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