it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
