Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
