How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
