And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
