I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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