i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
