kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
