I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
