idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
