It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it because I queefed?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
