If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
