I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
