Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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